"I never thought something like this could happen to me… but it has”

This is a long read, but please spend a few minutes with it, especially if you or someone you love is in a new relationship, or online dating right now.

What you’re about to read is the real story of a woman from North Yorkshire who found herself caught in the web of romance fraud.

She’s bravely chosen to share her experience as part of a national campaign, which is shining the light on Romance Fraud, in the hope that it might help just one person spot the red flags before it’s too late.

Her courage in speaking out sheds light on a crime that’s more common, and more devastating, than many realise.

Romance fraud doesn’t just steal money. It breaks hearts, shatters trusts, and leaves people questioning everything they thought they knew. This could happen to anyone.

“My story starts with a broken marriage after 14 years and the rebuilding of myself alone in the new dating scene. New technology and the modern way of understanding how this works. I still don't understand.

“Time passed me by, still muddling along day-by-day in my day-to-day life. I hoped I would find happiness after all the recent darkness. Unfortunately, what I found was to change my life unbelievably and leave me with nowhere to turn. If I had known this, the question I ask myself is... would I have said, hello?

“After spending time with family and friends, eager to get me back out there. Explaining how they had found love online and how easy it was to connect with people.... I did. The ease of setting up a profile in my opinion was not that easy. How do you sell yourself in brief to stand out from the crowd I asked myself?

“Nevertheless, I did what millions have done and gave it a go.

“After a few days, I began to receive messages from potential dates. Realising how quick you can be noticed, a good feeling, yes, but also strange and sometimes intrusive.

“Then came the one profile to say hello, I was shocked. A handsome man who spoke with kindness and obviously took my eye. A feeling of excitement here, different from the rest. He approached me with decency and a want to strike up a real conversation.

“This stood out to me, he stood out to me...I said hello. I could never have imagined five letters could do so much harm.

“Days of texting through the app, eager to receive that next message. An inner excitement when it arrived. I was now filling my quiet moments with a new lease of life, and the potential for more.

“Regularly, texting and talking day and night. Constantly building my trust and the promise that I may have found someone that liked me for who I am.

“We spoke for two to three weeks every day throughout the day, intense conversations of interest, future promise and a desire to meet and make plans together. It felt real to me. How can It feel so real if you haven't met yet? I hear you ask.

“I had learned that meeting people in this way was not all that easy after recent messaging fails. So, I guess I believed in this being the new way of building a rapport, building trust to inevitably meet.

“Many conversations and questions I asked to get to know him. He was always forthcoming with information about his current life and his past life. He always had a way of making me feel at ease. He was open about his job position and explained he was a businessman and was clear and concise on what he was wanting from life and from a partner.

“Using his background as examples of how he saw his future to be, he explained on many occasions how he did travel with his work, asking.... would this be a problem? I would reply with no, as long as you come back to me.

“The more he spoke, the more it was clear he was a man of wealth. This was not important to me, however, it did put me slightly more at ease. After spending years as a provider, to have a potential balance in life was attractive. He could tell that this was not my main focus and was never brash with his supposed wealth.

“He explained how he lived close by using areas of interest close by to me. He was aware of street names, places, buildings, places that I'd been to, areas that I had grown up in, so I was fully aware of that situation as to where he was placed.

“This information came freely from him. Not from me. I played my cards close to my chest, as this was a new relationship still. Not to mention I was so new to this style of dating. Obviously, all these little things began to build trust.

“He explained how he had a close bond with his mother...living close to her, as his father had passed away. I'm a very family orientated person and would always put them first. So here I was listening to something so close to my values. It began to make it easier to trust day by day.

“I can safely say at this stage I had no concerns. All I felt was a connection, promise and a possible future. We all want to be happy, and we all want to find love.

“I had mentioned possibly doing a video call from time to time. He would always suggest that we called instead, he preferred to do that. And to be honest, I would have preferred to do that too. I'm not one for video calls or seeing myself on camera.

“So, it seemed normal to me at this stage. He had sent numerous pictures, this however, did give me a sense of security, as silly as that may sound in this day and age, at that time. I now know these pictures to be of someone else, another life.

“Three weeks had passed now and that's when he called me to say he was going away on business. He was his normal self and explained, he wouldn't be away for long. A week at that most. He had already explained he went away on business, so I thought nothing of it. What's seven days in the grand scheme of things?

“Communication between us was strong until he was in the airport. I was comfortable with him going away and had much work of my own to attend to. I never gave it a second thought.

“Before he left, he said he was falling in love with me. I was taken aback, after not hearing words like these for so many years.... I didn't reply at this stage, but I was smitten.

He said he would get in touch once he landed...

“The phone rang several hours later, and it was him, I was excited. He also sent a video message not of himself, but of the airport and of him walking out of the airport. He showed me around the airport, and I was glad to hear from him. I realised then that I was possibly falling in love with this person. I suppose a little absence makes the heart grow fonder.

“We spoke for a couple of days. Then came the day of his meeting. He asked about my children and sent a picture of him in the hotel bathroom mirror. Suited and ready to do business. Again, adding confidence to our relationship and my trust. He carried on to say he would be in touch after the deal.

“Time passed and me being me, wanting to play it cool, left me waiting and becoming slightly impatient. More time passed, days and nothing. No contact. I tried to contact him at this stage. No answer.

“I had begun to think I had ruined things between us. Maybe because I didn't respond with, I love you.

“After a few days, late at night I received a call from him. He said he had been involved in a mugging. All his credentials taken, passport etc. I was so shocked, but also happy to hear from him.

“He went on to explain he had been taken to hospital as he had been badly beaten. He sent pictures of himself in hospital. Pictures I thought were him. There was no AI here, just pictures of the man I was falling for in hospital.

“I wanted to help him but couldn't. Needless to say, I would find myself helping him from this moment on with all my money and more.

“Once the money had begun to flow from me to him. It was hard to stop. How? I hear you ask.

He pressured me day and night. Constantly asking for help. Using manipulative ways and means. This was behaviour I had been witness to in my past relationship, making it easy for me to fall straight back under this style of control and manipulation.

“I would make payments. He would reply with such love and gratitude and then would make me feel as if it was my fault when things didn’t go to plan. Blaming me for his loss of business, shouting at me and making it clear I had made things so much more difficult by hindering his ability to get himself out of this situation.

“I'm a very caring person. Some would say naive now. But I would say I just want to help where I can. When did society lose that helping hand? I can now see why we have.

“He often said let's keep this to ourselves. I would hate your family to know and have to face them on my return home. He would preach how he would put everything right and we could start our lives together.

“I began to stay away from family and friends. Confused in my own world. It became unbearable at times, but then he would call, and we would speak. Days would go by and nothing. Then another call full of apologies, then turning his frustration, anxiety and anger around on to me. ‘What about me?’ he used to say. It's not all about you.

“I stopped eating properly and began drinking, just finding enough energy to keep pushing through, even though everyday became harder. Less money, more bills, more pressure from him. It's a hamster on a wheel scenario. A manipulation bubble.

“It was close to Christmas when I found out I had been a victim of a scam. It was my sister who spent a very long time trying to understand in the background what had happened to her younger sister. She was a dog with a bone, and I thank her for that every day.

In total, she sent him £85,671.30. She continues:

“She found the photo evidence that turned the tables. I still couldn't believe it at first.

My family saved me from a black hole. I was hanging on by a thread.... I still am, just a firmer grip now.

“The honesty is this never goes away from you or your family. You think once the truth is discovered things will get easier somehow.... they don't. You're still on that hamster wheel, just hoping.

“I began my story with the honesty of not knowing this cyber way of dating. In fact, technology is not something I will ever master. I prefer a pen and a piece of paper. A conversation in person and this will always remain, especially now.

“I had never heard of scams like this, as it wasn't as loud as it is now. I also can say, I NEVER thought something like this could happen to me, but it has.

“Nobody is safe. It doesn't matter how old you are. How educated you are or how much money you have. This is a business, a business to make money at any cost and thrive on our lives.

“I was going to brush it under the carpet. I was too ashamed to go to the police. But I woke up one day and realised this has to stop, It's not just me. To put a stop to this we need to fight it, and silence doesn't win a war.

“I went to the Police and told them everything. I explained to my bank, who weren't and have not been helpful in any way. You have to reach out to anyone who will listen, as remaining silent doesn't stop it....it just gets worse.

“I have been left to struggle on alone financially. I have suffered depression and distress like nothing else in my life. I've felt some of the worse moments life can throw at you, too.

“As everything began to unravel, I felt ashamed, stupid, embarrassed, fighting a battle within myself to come back from the brink. Getting out of bed in a morning was one of the hardest things to do. A constant feeling of shame surrounded me.

“I was lucky. I have a strong family who wouldn't let me go without a fight, even when I had given up. But I realised I am worth this fight and so are all of you.”

And here she shares what she has learnt from her experience:

Speak in person. If they won't, why? Ask them. Don’t settle for an easy answer.

Think and speak to someone. Don’t keep it a secret. Even if they ask you to. Secrets will always come out eventually. Find someone you trust, who knows YOU and let it out.

Think about the way you feel when they talk to you. If it was someone else you knew talking to you like that, would you do what they say or take that response?

 If you feel pressure to move money or are even asked to do so. STOP and talk to your bank or someone you trust. Give yourself time to reflect.

 Do not believe in social media as being an honest platform. The police and authorities are constantly trying to pull down fraudulent use. The best way to describe it is a whack-a-mole effect.

You may read my story and find this happening to you in some form. Reach out to who you can. DON'T be ashamed, no matter how hard it is. Two minds in person are better than one. Try to push your feelings to one side and push with all you have for answers.

 Most of all, you have a voice, use it and speak to someone. Let them help, even if you’re in two minds...let them help you.

She ends her story by saying: “We cannot allow this to carry on. These people/organisations of crime, take our money and can take your life within a blink of an eye.

“We all have to work together more now than ever to shut those doors of access to our lives.

“I will never be the same again. However, with time you find a way to fight and hold your head high again.

“People may talk, let them. Find the strength to fight what was yours and don't let them take it from you again.”

Our thanks to this woman for bravely sharing her story with us.

Please remember - romance fraudsters are manipulative, patient, and often incredibly convincing. They know exactly what to say and do to gain your trust, and by the time alarm bells start to ring, many victims are already emotionally and financially invested.

If something doesn’t feel right, please trust your instincts. Stop and speak to someone you trust.

You can report concerns to the police or Action Fraud via their website or by calling 0300 123 2040. There are also many charities and support services you can speak to in confidence.

You’re not alone, and help is always available.

Follow this link Advice about fraud | North Yorkshire Police  to find out more about fraud, its many types, how you can report it and where to go for support.