SGT Bushell Escapes the Admin Abyss

Resident

After weeks of being buried under a mountain of admin (rumour has it he was last seen fighting with a printer and losing), SGT Bushell finally emerged from the office, blinking into the sunlight like a mole seeing daylight for the first time.

Within five minutes of hitting the streets, fate delivered him a familiar challenge: a well-known local male on an e-scooter. When SGT Bushell signalled him to stop, the male responded with the classic “Ashford Grand Prix” manoeuvre—nipping down an alleyway at a speed that would make even Lewis Hamilton jealous. SGT Bushell, ever the professional, called after him with a polite, “Don’t worry, I’ll get you later!” (Translation: “You’re on my list, mate.”)

Not to be outdone, as he cruised through Kennington, SGT Bushell spotted a suspicious vehicle. When signalled to stop, the car decided to speed off. A safe but speedy pursuit followed, with police wisely terminating the chase to keep everyone safe.

PC Murrell, who’d been along for the ride and was still recovering from the excitement, suggested checking the Nine Acres area. Sure enough, they found the suspect vehicle parked up and unattended—clearly, the driver had run out of plot twists. The car was seized, and SGT Bushell was just about to enjoy a quiet moment when, like a bad sequel, the original e-scooter male reappeared—this time on a bike! (Someone get this guy a loyalty card.)

True to his word, SGT Bushell issued him a ticket for no licence, no insurance, and failing to stop for police. Justice served, Ashford style.

Moral of the story:
If you’re going to try your luck with SGT Bushell, at least pick a getaway vehicle and stick to it—he’s running out of ticket books!